Tuesday, May 17, 2011

Things I Hate - Bird Poop Edition

Near our backyard lives a very large tree. It has become the meeting place for every bird in the vicinity of the southwestern United States. I love having my window open and being awakened by their happy, shrill, ear-piercing calls. Most of the noticeable residents of this tree are blackbirds. Such sweet, delicate, shy little creatures.

I hate them.

These birds were fine as long as they stayed up in that old tree. But the moment they started swooping down to enjoy my pool, my perception of these blackbirds changed drastically. When did it become proper to poop on the pool deck of your neighbor? I still can't get over their immense lack of manners. It's only been the past month or so that they've made themselves so obviously annoying, but it feels like ages.

Every morning I head out to water my beautiful garden, and every morning I have to tip-toe around mounds of poop. What are these things eating, anyway?! As I spray everything off with the hose, I swear they laugh at me. We all know they are going to attack my pool with their rear ends as soon as I'm once again inside the house. They know it, and thus...they laugh.

As a reaction, we've been very calm. It's kind of stupid to start swearing now at this late stage of my life, but I must admit it's been rather tempting. Hubby and I have done some research on Bird Sonar. That's right...I'm willing to invest money to keep these varmints away! But the reviews on Amazon said the machines that produce a high-pitch noise that birds hate (but humans can't hear) don't work well on birds. Squirrels, yes. Blackbirds, not so much.

Hubby eyes BB guns every time we're in a store. I'm to the point now where I'm on board with such an idea, but where would we hide the bodies?

Home Depot offered a local solution. We purchased Ralphie the Owl and filled him with sand. I perched him next to the pool. Supposedly, birds are deathly afraid of predator owls and will avoid any area in which they reside. For most of my morning, I thought it was working. The chit-chat from the tree seemed to be oddly silent. After Hubby got home from work, I announced the success! Then, as I looked out the window, I watched a blackbird descend for a drink in my pool...about three feet away from Mr. Owl! I was silently cheering Ralphie on to the attack before I remembered that he is made of foam and is inanimate.

With instructions to move him often, Ralphie is going to be given a few more days of test drive. If he fails, and I'm hoping he doesn't, we will simply return him to Home Depot for a refund. If we have to return Ralphie, I hope it's with a pile of poop on his head. Those defiant this blackbirds never cease to amaze me, and I can see them plotting such a bomb dive this very moment.

On the upside, I ate a cherry tomato from our garden. It was delicious! And there are more blossoms waiting to grow more little tomatoes! And there are blossoms on the Better Boy Hybrid tomato plant, too! We are just waiting for Roma to kick it in gear to help produce with the rest of his family. Hubby even found a few blossoms on his transplanted jalapeno plant...and subsequently shed a few tears. He really likes jalapenos and was worried he wouldn't get anything from our struggling garden this year. Looks like all that poop has fertilized the little garden enough to make it work!

Stupid birds.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. How frustrating. If you want my opinion, go with the BB gun. I'm a small town girl. :)

  3. LOL. Great post. Annie get your gun! Or, perhaps you could fashion a cherry-tomato gun after the classic marshmallow gun. I say string the bodies up on a clothesline as an added threat.


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